Pause. Notice. Slow down…for just a moment. Breathe.
My husband and I just led a couples retreat at Mohican State Park. The setting was beautiful, surrounded by trees, nature, and the lake. The lodge had a variety of spaces for sitting, rocking, or being by the fire (both inside and outside). Our goal for the time was connection, to themselves and to each other.
The question was asked there, and then later in one of my sessions, “What’s a check in?” I don’t think it had ever dawned on me to define it. The question itself gives me a chance to clarify the meaning it has for me as I consider it.
A check in is becoming more aware, making the unconscious conscious. It is taking an intentional moment to pause and notice what is happening — inside my own body (my thoughts, feelings, body sensations), and potentially between me and another person in our relationship.
A concrete visual is looking at the battery life on your computer or phone, or the fuel or oil gauge on your car. Checking in on those measurements give us important information to run things smoothly.
We can live much of our life in auto pilot, going through the motions, but missing so much. To notice is the language of the brainstem — to wake us up, to be more embodied, that allows us to respond with more attentiveness, appreciation, and care.
A secure attachment requires attunement and noticing. It is a call and a response, a serve and return, a need is made known and then it is met. Without a check in, a pause of noticing, we are ill equipped to be attuned or responsive.
Start with home base, your relationship to yourself and your own body. Your ability to show up, for yourself and for others, requires that you start here. Then you can check in on your relationship with others.
For your reflection: Where am I sensing connection and attunement, with myself and my relationships? Find what feels good. Notice it, appreciate it, take it in and let it soothe your nervous system. Where am I sensing disconnection? What needs more attentive care in my life? Where do I feel out of step or off balance? What would be most nurturing and life giving to me in order to respond well?
Action steps: Practice noticing. Start with your inhale and your exhale. Check in on your posture and stretch up your spine. Move and release your tight muscles. Notice the temperature of the water and the feel of your skin. Look at the sky, and notice the trees as they move with the blow of the wind. Hear any sounds. Be here now. Express yourself with gratitude, with kindness, with presence in this world. I’m so glad you are here.
